Confessions of a Flaming Liberal

by Marilyn Nyborg

This article was published in Union.com, March 4, 2003.

When I was a teenager, my friends were rebelling by experimenting with smoking, drinking and boys. My rebellion was a little different. I came from a very biased family that did not like anyone who was not Lutheran, Republican, white and preferably Swedish. So I became a Catholic. As soon as I could vote, I registered as a Democrat, and if I could have become black in the '60s, I would have.

Some things have changed since then; some things have not. While I am not sure my voting style will ever change, another very large part of me has been evolving. My old activist self was indeed reactivated by the events of 9/11, but from a very new place.

I found myself listening (another confession here) to Rush Limbaugh, and really listening for what was behind his thinking (another example of new behavior). I did not need to react to what was going on in the world; I needed to understand what was going on in the world. I was responding from a new consciousness, one I did not hold in the '60s. It was more compassionate and just came from a deeper place within me.

I remember some of the activism of my past, and it seems that often we were really just trying to win. We were always trying to change people's minds, to make others understand how right (righteous) we were in our opinions and how wrong they were.

I have recently chosen to manifest my concerns about the world through a new movement called "Gather the Women." Because of the depth of my involvement, I have done a great deal of writing, speaking, pondering, questioning and just examining my own beliefs.

One of the intentions of "Gather the Women" is the effort to bring the masculine and feminine into partnership and to bring balance to the world itself. So the questions I have been living with have been how we might do that, how we might begin to create a new way.

One of the things I have had to examine is what it means to be this flaming liberal! What I am observing in the world of politics and in daily conversation, particularly as it is projected and amplified by the media, is the degree of separation and isolation we have created. You have your position and I have mine; I have facts and experts to match your facts and experts. If we cannot convince the other they are wrong, we raise large sums of money to create propaganda to get more people on our side, and the other side does the same. When that doesn't work, eventually we get a bigger army than your army, and we go to war.

We argue, convince, cajole ... but very few people actually ever change their mind as a result of these convictions; in fact, most people are often not listening anyway! They are too busy creating their rebuttals, their return volley ... before we have even finished speaking. We have lost the art of dialogue, conversation and connection. Soon we are just faceless liberals and faceless conservatives at war.

We are wasting a great deal of time and energy. Maybe even more importantly, the greater needs of the community, of our children and the world at large get lost in this ongoing argument over right and wrong.

When I look at my interest in seeing masculine and feminine come into balance, it is obvious that at the physical level, when these two extremes come together, they give birth to a new form, a third entity. Whenever two extremes come together, there is the potential for the birth of a new form, a new idea, a new solution.

Being willing to listen to the deeper, underlying concerns and fears, hopes and possibilities creates the space for something new to be born. When human connections have been made, when a human face is seen and recognized behind the words, people do wonderful things with and for one another in spite of their differences of opinions.

A group of anti-abortionists and a group of pro-lifers had this realization, and they decided to meet and talk. They concluded clearly they would not convert the other to their beliefs about the issue ... BUT they did find common ground. No one wanted to see unwanted pregnancies among children and young women. They came together and created a program that has been very effective. They birthed a new form, a solution that went beyond their differences.

I realize the value of walking a middle way, knowing that extreme world views (even the ones I feel are the correct ones) lead to polarization and separation which, in turn, limits possibilities and keeps us from discovering new solutions that lie beyond the positions we've taken.

Marilyn Nyborg serves as one of the outreach coordinators of Gather the Women. She can be reached by email at Marilyn@gatherthewomen.org.